How to thrive on the outside when you don’t fit on the inside

If you're anything like me, or even if you’re not, I’m sure there have been times in your life when you’ve felt like you just didn’t fit in.

You don’t feel a part of the gang, whether that’s due to lack of confidence, being shy, not hanging out with the right kind of people you feel comfortable with, or something else.

Growing up I'd often felt like I didn’t belong (on this planet!). And that I should be somewhere else.

Thinking and feeling is easier for me than a desire to be the centre of attention at a party! However, communication and CONNECTION with others is what's important. As humans, it is something we crave for and need. It gives us a sense of belonging. It's how learn about ourselves and others.

I'd gone through the usual and not so usual stuff as a child, being bullied throughout my school life, parents splitting up, changing schools and heaps of other stuff that created a lot of fear and grief in my world.

By the time I reached my late teens I had a huge empty pit of self worth and self esteem and self-sabotage.

However, I know, from great weakness cultivates undeniable strength.

This sense of not belonging, was also a result of discovering a primal belief that I had habituated - I didn’t exist, shouldn’t have existed and I shouldn’t have been born.

I was quite literally ‘unexpected’ (the scan's weren't quite as good back in the 1970's!), and oh hello world! I was born 1o minutes after my twin, Lee at 26 weeks.

As I’ve explored the layers of myself and my own psyche over they years. one day I knew when it hit the spot, I felt it viscerally. there was a deep sense of loss. What followed though, was a huge sense of relief, that actually, it was OK not to feel a part of this week and that I shouldn't have been born.

I had a right to own my place in the world now as I had also chosen to be in it and come explore life.

So, what can you do when you feel this way?

Remember.

Remember that you aren’t meant to fit in, that you’re to remember to feel your uniqueness, to know your uniqueness, to know and explore your own truths, and your own gifts. Even if you don’t know what your gifts are yet.

You’re still not being any less than you are meant to be. Trust in your place.

Imagine flames from a fire in your belly getting bigger, brighter and they’re fueling your energy, your will and desire to keep moving forward no matter who you are with or without.

Accept your footprint in this world. It's yours, you own it.

Life is always changing and evolving, throbbing with the invisible creative waves of the Universe. And so too are you.

Before the chrysalis transforms into a butterfly there is struggle. The butterfly has to struggle to strengthen its wings…so it can fly. That’s its destiny. It’s imprint.

You will often experience struggle before transformation. Wriggling, wrestling and being totally down right uncomfortable with yourself!

It is also difficult when we compare ourselves to others. Use this as a backboard to explore your challenges and carve out your strengths (without defining other people’s weakness of course!).

Ask yourself, what is it that I am searching for? Then take action in some way, to discover more about yourself than you did before. You’re writing your own story, no-one else’s, and no-one is writing yours.

Allocate some time to yourself, to reflect on your feelings, to consider if the thoughts are valid, of value and true for you right now. Then, choose do something, no matter how small, even if it scares you a little.

Write an affirmation from what you're learning about yourself and carry it with you for a day.

Ego will fight (for a long time!) as you loosen the strings of its hold. So be patient, it's been looking after you.

Think and say kind thoughts to yourself and know that you are doing the best that you can in the day that you have.

You’re amazing.

To share a quote from the film ‘Into the Wild’ where Chris McCandless writes in his diary towards the end of his journey -"Happiness is only real when shared.”

Even if that is to share the feeling of love within yourself.

Blessings,

Sara

*It’s not about getting things perfect, it’s just about having a go.*