How to Flourish Externally When You Feel Out of Place Internally

Person walking alone on a beach.

If you’re anything like m—oreven if you’re not—yu've probably encountered times in your life when you felt out of place.

If you’re anything like me—or even if you’re not—you've probably encountered times in your life when you felt out of place.

You might have sensed that you didn’t quite fit in, whether due to shyness, a lack of confidence, not connecting with those around you, or other reasons.

As a child, I often felt as though I didn’t belong on this planet and that my true place was somewhere else.

For me, deep thinking and feeling come much more easily than seeking to be the center of attention at a social gathering! Regardless, the essence of communication, connection, and belonging with others is what truly matters. As humans, we yearn for these relationships; they help us understand ourselves and those around us.

I faced a variety of common and uncommon challenges growing up, including bullying in school, my parents’ separation, frequent changes of schools, and other hardships that filled my life with fear and sorrow.

By the time I reached my late teens, I was struggling with profound feelings of emptiness, low self-esteem, and self-sabotage that lasted for over ten years.

Yet I've come to realize that significant weakness can lead to remarkable strength.

This sense of not belonging arose from a deeply ingrained belief I internalized—that I didn’t exist, shouldn’t exist, and perhaps never should have been born.

In a very literal sense, I was ‘unexpected’ (medical technology wasn’t as advanced in the 1970s!), arriving just ten minutes after my twin, Lee, at just 26 weeks gestation.

As I have explored my own layers and psyche over many years, there have been moments when I felt a profound understanding of my experiences. I sensed an immense loss, but along with that came a sense of relief: it was okay to feel as though I didn’t belong and that I shouldn’t have existed.

I realised I had the right to carve out my space in this world because I had chosen to be here and embrace life.

So, what can you do when you feel this way?

Remember.

Understand that you’re not meant to conform. Celebrate your uniqueness, delve into your truths, and discover your gifts—even if you’re still in the process of finding them.

You are not any less than you are meant to be. Trust that you have a place in this world.

Visualize the flames of determination igniting within you, becoming larger and brighter, energizing your will to move forward, regardless of external circumstances.

Own your footprint in this world. It is yours, and you belong to it. It is the bedrock of existence.

Life is a constant cycle of change and evolution, driven by the unseen creative forces of the universe—and so are you.

Transformation often involves struggle. Just like a butterfly must fight to strengthen its wings before it can soar, you will face challenges before your own transformation.

You may experience discomfort, restlessness, and feelings of being completely out of sync!

Comparing yourself to others can be challenging. Instead, use those comparisons as a means to explore your struggles and identify your strengths—without diminishing others, of course!

Ask yourself what it is you truly seek. Then take action, however small, to learn more about yourself. You’re crafting your own narrative, not anyone else’s, and no one else can write it for you.

Set aside time for self-reflection. Consider whether your thoughts are valid, meaningful, and true for you at this moment. Then choose to take a step, no matter how small, even if it brings you some anxiety.

Write an affirmation based on what you’re discovering about yourself and keep it with you throughout the day.

Your ego may resist as you begin to loosen its hold, so practice patience; it has been trying to protect you.

Cultivate kind thoughts toward yourself, and remember that you’re doing your best with the day you have.

You are incredible.

To quote Chris McCandless from the film ‘Into the Wild,’ who writes in his diary toward the end of his journey: "Happiness is only real when shared."

Even if that means sharing the love you carry within yourself.

Blessings,

Sara

"Always be inspired."You might have sensed that you didn’t quite fit in, whether due to shyness, a lack of confidence, not connecting with those around you, or other reasons.

As a child, I often felt as though I didn’t belong on this planet and that my true place was somewhere else.

For me, deep thinking and feeling come much more easily than seeking to be the center of attention at a social gathering! Regardless, the essence of communication, connection, and belonging with others is what truly matters. As humans, we yearn for these relationships; they help us understand ourselves and those around us.

I faced a variety of common and uncommon challenges growing up, including bullying in school, my parents’ separation, frequent changes of schools, and other hardships that filled my life with fear and sorrow.

By the time I reached my late teens, I was struggling with profound feelings of emptiness, low self-esteem, and self-sabotage that lasted for over ten years.

Yet I've come to realize that significant weakness can lead to remarkable strength.

This sense of not belonging arose from a deeply ingrained belief I internalized—that I didn’t exist, shouldn’t exist, and perhaps never should have been born.

In a very literal sense, I was ‘unexpected’ (medical technology wasn’t as advanced in the 1970s!), arriving just ten minutes after my twin, Lee, at just 26 weeks gestation.

As I have explored my own layers and psyche over many years, there have been moments when I felt a profound understanding of my experiences. I sensed an immense loss, but along with that came a sense of relief: it was okay to feel as though I didn’t belong and that I shouldn’t have existed.

I realized I had the right to carve out my space in this world because I had chosen to be here and embrace life.

So, what can you do when you feel this way?

Remember.

Understand that you’re not meant to conform. Celebrate your uniqueness, delve into your truths, and discover your gifts—even if you’re still in the process of finding them.

You are not any less than you are meant to be. Trust that you have a place in this world.

Visualize the flames of determination igniting within you, becoming larger and brighter, energizing your will to move forward, regardless of external circumstances.

Own your footprint in this world. It is yours, and you belong to it. It is the bedrock of existence.

Life is a constant cycle of change and evolution, driven by the unseen creative forces of the universe—and so are you.

Transformation often involves struggle. Just like a butterfly must fight to strengthen its wings before it can soar, you will face challenges before your own transformation.

You may experience discomfort, restlessness, and feelings of being completely out of sync!

Comparing yourself to others can be challenging. Instead, use those comparisons as a means to explore your struggles and identify your strengths—without diminishing others, of course!

Ask yourself what it is you truly seek. Then take action, however small, to learn more about yourself. You’re crafting your own narrative, not anyone else’s, and no one else can write it for you.

Set aside time for self-reflection. Consider whether your thoughts are valid, meaningful, and true for you at this moment. Then choose to take a step, no matter how small, even if it brings you some anxiety.

Write an affirmation based on what you’re discovering about yourself and keep it with you throughout the day.

Your ego may resist as you begin to loosen its hold, so practice patience; it has been trying to protect you.

Cultivate kind thoughts toward yourself, and remember that you’re doing your best with the day you have.

You are incredible.

To quote Chris McCandless from the film ‘Into the Wild,’ who writes in his diary toward the end of his journey: "Happiness is only real when shared."

Even if that means sharing the love you carry within yourself.

Blessings,

Sara

"Always stay inspired."